I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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