im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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