why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
