im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
