I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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