i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
