I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
