I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
