Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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