He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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