Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
