she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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