its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
