We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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