If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
