All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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