So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
