Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
