I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
