she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
