Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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