Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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