I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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