this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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