i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
