she woke up with a sticky ear
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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