Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
