Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
