I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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