My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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