so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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