I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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