in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
