So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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