New invention idea: vibrating tampons
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
