A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is my gift to your gina
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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