Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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