he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
