i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
