I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
