Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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