Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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