yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
