my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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