yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
