I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
