I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
