I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
