brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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