I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
